Respectful Dancer Etiquette:“Would you like to dance with me?”
Make sure people are facing you before you invite them to dance. Hold your hand out towards them, which allows them to choose to make contact after you’ve expressed your interest. Wait for a confirmed yes or no before proceeding to the dance floor. Pay attention to your partner’s body language. Ask questions if you’re unsure about their comfort level.
Ask partners if they feel comfortable with close embrace or would like to try close embrace with you. Refrain from touching or holding your partner in ways that are not necessary for dancing. Ask partners if they feel comfortable with these moves or would like to try these moves while being aware of your dance environment and refraining if it is unsafe. Consider if your interactions with people are mutually sought after and appreciated.
If someone has refused to dance with you several times in a night, they may not want to dance with you tonight at all but do not want to confront you about it and escalate the situation. If someone does not seem happy to see you, consider whether they want you to continue following them. Alternatively, they may not realize that they are repeatedly declining to dance with you (depending on how crowded the dance floor is or how busy their night is). You may ask them politely to dance once more, or graciously concede that perhaps you will not dance with them at all that night. If someone is engaged in conversation or otherwise occupied, that is not necessarily the time to initiate hugs/kisses/holding because they may not be able consciously give consent or feel comfortable publicly refusing the contact in front of others. If someone is currently hugging/touching/holding another person, that does not mean that you have permission to do the same. Ask “Can I hug you?” or “Would you mind if I hugged you?” Try to understand that someone may have valid reasons for declining to engage you with exactly the way you’d like (safety, energy level, whether or not you are strangers, whether they have concerns or commitments that have nothing to do with you). No one is obligated to dance (or interact) everyone who requests a dance (or other interaction). |
Generally discouraged behaviors:Asking someone to dance without giving the option of refusal, which can include:
Not phrasing your invitation as a question: “Dance with me!” Approaching someone from behind, so that they must answer yes/no without knowing with whom they are agreeing to dance. Taking hold of someone’s hand, shoulder, other body part as you ask them to dance. (The other person then has to physically remove themself from you in order to say no.) Leading someone onto the dance floor as you ask them to dance. Initiating or continuing unwanted or unexpected contact or holds, which can include:
Going into close embrace without asking first. Inappropriate touching, contact, or caresses. (Particularly touching the lower back, stomach, breasts, neck, thighs.) Unsafe or unexpected dance moves, such as doing dips or lifts when your partner does not want to or when the dance floor is crowded. Harassing another individual, or otherwise violating personal boundaries, which can include:
Pursuing another dancer throughout the night. (Continuing to ask them to dance when they’ve refused several times, following them around the dance venue.) Initiating hugs or other contact without giving the other person the option of refusal. Questioning or demeaning someone for refusing to dance with you, to dance in exactly the way you like, or to engage with you physically or emotionally in exactly the way you like. |